Jennifer Love Hewitt Boob-a-lanche

I don’t know why I call it a boob-a-lanche, other than the fact that when she does that milkshake, all the boys come runnin to the yard because there is a veritable avalanche of big, warm, natural boobies. I know it’s kind of weird that I would post about my girl Jen twice in one month, weird in a creepy/stalker/I can’t stop thinking about her sort of way. But c’mon, look at that body! That body was made for only one thing: looking at. Woop, hold on. Two things: making babies. Welp, let’s make that three things: humpin. She ain’t made for hopscotch, or zumba classes, or Ms America pageants. She is probably dating somebody right now, or maybe she got married, but I’m too lazy to go look it up so I could make fun of him and call him a toolbag and impress upon my readers that *he* doesn’t know what to do with a fine girl like Jen, whereas yours truly would treat her like a queen and buy her sticky rolls from cinnabon and never complain or even comment about her weight. Let her blow up after she marries me man, she is Jennifer F’in Love Hewitt. Eat some cake while you watch us stare into each other’s eyes and declare our undying love, at least until she meets that guy she knows from the bar at a hotel and does the nasty with him.