Why Geena Davis’s Boobs Matter

Geena Davis is a tall drink of water. At 6′ tall, she has some long-ass legs that will wrap around you and constrict you like a boa. And she’s no waif, she has a fairly thick, athletic build. She was on the track team in high school, but swears that she stood around more than she ran or jumped.

Interesting Geena trivia: she placed 24th out of 300 women who tried out for the 2000 Summer Olympic archery team.

At one point, she was practicing with her bow and arrow five hours per day, six days per week. This is approximately how much time I spend wanking my willy.

Geena has been married four times. Each of her husbands claim that she is moody and doesn’t like to hump after the wedding ring goes on. Ha, I made that up. She filed court papers against her most recent husband saying they were never actually married. You know you are on a gal’s shitlist if she not only wants to divorce you, she actually disowns you.

She has starred in a bunch of movies and TV shows. I most thoroughly enjoyed her in Transylvania 6-5000 and Thelma and Louise.

You are going to think I’m making this up, but in the Transylvania movie she plays a disastrously horny vampire who wears an awesome open-chested suit that shows off her braless boobs.

She has given speeches on diversity and gender roles in films. Now I think that’s all well and good, but I happen to know she was a window mannequin for an Ann Taylor department store before she signed with a modeling agency. So for someone that has made a career off her looks and her body, she seems to have an unusually high amount of concerns for empowering zee ladiez.

I couldn’t tell you how many times I watched her cleavage in slo-mo on a VHS video cassette tape. For sure, she has c-cup boobies. I think she’s had three kids, and I can’t say for sure that process didn’t inflate then permanently deflate those boobs.

She has a somewhat odd voice, or maybe I should just call it unique. If she bent down (waaay down, don’t forget she is six feet tall) and whispered in my ear “Bite my nipples, kind sir” I think I could recognize her with a mask on.

I know what’s on your mind: Geena Davis nudes. I can’t blame you. It’s rare that I even pass a female postal worker on the sidewalk without wondering what she looks like naked. There are some nudies of Geena out there, but I’ll stick to the more tantalizing pokies.

In an interview back in 1985, Geena admits that she spent a year as a foreign exchange student living abroad in Sweden. Even if she was lucky enough to land an insulated bra with a heating element powered by a 9v battery, we all know a winter in that igloo of a country was enough to turn her nips rock-hard.

It’s widely reported that Geena belongs to MENSA, which I think is either a club for stuffy smart people, or stands for Masturbating Eccentric Nincompoops Squatting Assiduously.